to embrace or not to embrace

Time does not heal all wounds, not on it's own - the same way that time itself does not get you up a mountain. Some things take work for it to happen, it will not happen on it's own. Not every objection must be overcome. It is my job to find those places where I can stand proud in my disfigurement - to say I am perfectly imperfect, I’m ready even though I know I’m not ready.

I am in this very moment this just the very way that I am, and while I would so love sometimes for the world and situations to be different, and that sometimes I am afraid to admit, for right now I am the way I am. This is the way of the mountain. On Avance Toujours.

And in the end the stone makes way for the water - it softens and becomes it. The river knows it will make it's way to the ocean, it does not need to rush, it goes only it's way. The world changes around me by my being just the way I am, that I will make my way inevitably to the ocean. This is the way of the river.


_____

And so I can now say - I will choose to face this challenge - I'm up to the task of learning, and success is winning in the sense only that winning is learning and winning is belonging - and there is a lesson here for me to learn and to belong.

And I can also say - the time is not right, right now. I am not prepared, but I am not prepared in the direction of maybe soon another day, not yet, but maybe soon.

It is not freedom to never back down from a challenge, and it is not freedom to never step up to one. In my search of freedom I have become the river and the mountain, and now I can walk the middle path.

Freedom is being freely able to take a stand or take a moment.