when is enough enough .

When is enough, enough

A reality shaped by perpetual self doubt has layered back on itself.

I don’t know whether the part of me that wants to quit, everything, always, wants to quit

Or if it’s time

When 

reason 

and 

excuse 

are indistinguishable, 

we may well be moments away from Rumi’s field

Out beyond our judgments and expectations, we can be with ourselves

Beyond perceived exhaustion or what you though was possible only a moment before 

Pure ecstasis

Bliss

And maybe more than that, we can be confident because if we knew it was time

we’d know

so if I can doubt the voice saying to stop, to leave my job or my life, or this moment, 

I can press on,

And 

I press on, because somehow this is everything, and I must

In all truth this moment experienced even sometimes is a magic pill, a silver bullet, it almost feels like it fixes everything

but it falls short of a full life 

because

not every enemy is a werewolf and not every werewolf is an enemy

This efforting will so completely solve some problems that it will look like it can solve every problem, 

but applying this idea without discretion will create at least as many.

The equal challenge is letting go, in giving up, surrendering.

Effort is sacrosanct, and so specific and precise and elegantly fixative 

that we miss the wisdom of its grandfather, nothing.

We must know that by choosing anything we are excluding everything else. 

We are then in every moment not doing so much more than we are doing. 

Of all the doing in the world we are only doing 

one of it. 

Do I embrace the challenge of living without support, or embrace the challenge of intimacy? 

Towards what should my effort go?

What would become of me if I turned it towards letting go?

And then

What if I surrendered to effort?